I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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