He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
