i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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