The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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