standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
