Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
