peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
