How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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