i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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