Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize