ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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