I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
