I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
