hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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