there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
