someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
