Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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