I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
