I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
