"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
