im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
