Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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