No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
