Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
