First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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