Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
