We won't sleep together?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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