I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
