if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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