dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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