Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
