I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize