if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I bet he comes in French.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
