Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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