May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
