watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
