Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
