It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize