VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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