We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
