he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
