Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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