I skipped work to stalk him.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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