She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
