I faked an abortion last night.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize