tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
