i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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