Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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