i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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