I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
