this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
