No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize