Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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