Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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