HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize