she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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