I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
