we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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