fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
