So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
