Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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