i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
