it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
