so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
