I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
