my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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