Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
