I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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