worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
