it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I party with great urgency now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
