Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
