I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm always down for nudity.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
