i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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