They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
