Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
